Alpaca Farm Mom vs Alpaca Farm Daughter

The first day of school was today, a day I’ve been dreading since the end of June. I love summer with my girls (now aged 14 and 11). Well, I love that they sleep in all morning and don’t fight and then we have relaxed days of washing fleece and felting and alpaca training. Kenni was starting at the high school for the first time going into 10th grade. Helen was starting 6th grade at the middle school. This means that both will be on the bus together for the first time (not that they will sit together). The bus arrive will arrive at 6:49. Ahhhhhhh! The first pre-school fight was this past week.
Kenni is so smart its scary and very much caught up in a need to be cool and fit in with other teens. Hence our fight. Kenni approached me and said, “I’d like to get my belly button pierced.” I said, “No way and here is why, there is a risk of infection, scaring, and on top of that I think it’s sexual!” We then went around on this for roughly three hours. I, in a brilliant use of the internet, googled “Naval piercing complications” and got some nice gory images. For a while I was winning with a spectacular image of keloids. I then found an article on a mother who went to jail after her 13-year-old daughter nearly died from naval piercing complications. I told Kenni I didn’t want to go to jail. “ I just want to keep you safe,” I said!
“You are being over protective,” she said. “You never let me do anything and I’m moving out when I’m 18 and getting my belly button pierced and if I get a horrible incurable disease its because you didn’t take me when I was 14, it will be all your fault” she blackmailed! “You can postpone this but not prevent it so why not just give in?” she pleaded.
I countered, “A belly button piercing is just a sign post for the vagina!” I thought that was clever and really really funny but Kenni did not! Andy came in and said in a deep evil voice, “Never in a million years is this going to happen under my roof.” That ended it for a while. I was like wow great use of the phrase “under my roof” I hadn’t heard that one since my parents deployed it on me when I was about 14. I can’t remember what I wanted to do. I’m sure then it was so important to me then.
The second fight was last night with Kenni again, it seems all the cool kids leave the high school and go eat at one of the fast food restaurants down on the parkway. Kenni expected that we would cheerfully fork over $4-5 dollars each day so she could hang out with the beautiful people at Burger King. That is just not going to happen we said and she launched into a rant about why-do-we-have-to-be-so-poor. Secretly I’m worried she might accidentally walk in front of a car on the parkway! My farm girls living out of the country at the end of a really long driveway have very little traffic experience. I actually gave them both “look both ways” lectures this morning. Fight 3 the one I was expecting actually didn’t happen. I thought we were going to have a clothing battle but Kenni complied with my suggestion she go back upstairs for two wardrobe adjustments a cami strategically placed under her low cut blouse and then spandex leggings under a way too short skirt. This cooperation was an obvious ruse designed to distract me from the fact that she was wearing make-up. (I was mentally chanting my mother’s finest advice “Pick your battles, pick your battles, pick your battles”). Helen and I had no battles at all. Our battle will be tomorrow as she doesn’t want to turn in the note from the doctor saying she can’t do gym for a month since she broke her wrist in July. She just got the cast off this week and is supposed to take it easy for one more month.
“The bus! I hear the bus”, I scream! “Run run run!” Kenni can’t find one of the snazzy flip flops she was going to wear and since she had spent a lot of time painting her toe nails to match this was a disaster. Our ancient senile cat “Fuzz” also peed on Helen’s nice sweater (left on the floor of the foyer). Kenni informs me in a parting shot, “I just want you to know Bethany just got her belly button pierced”. In a swirling tornado of estrogen they leave. This is the first time ever that I wasn’t allowed to walk (or run) with them out to the bus, I expected it but still it made me sad. The farm is quiet now too quiet! I plot the death of Bethany’s mother. Andy goes back to sleep. I head out to the barn but I miss my girls and I can’t wait for them to get home!